I gave a talk today in sacrament meeting (its a little long), and promised some of my friends from out of town that I would blog it. Sorry for the introduction if you already know us, but it leads right into my talk! Enjoy!!
Enduring
Faithfully to The End
Richard and I met in Cache Valley on
Dec. 23, 2010, and were married 6 months later on June 23, 2011. We enjoy doing
anything active, especially if it involves the outdoors. Both of us received
our bachelor’s from Utah State, and Richard went on to get his Doctorate of
Physical Therapy this past May from Missouri State University.
One of our greatest blessings
arrived on Sep. 14, 2012 when our daughter, Graci, came into our lives. She is
now 4 years old, very spunky, extremely imaginative, and has an incredibly big
heart. She loves to help with all of our house projects, join us on our outdoor
adventures, and spend the rest of her time exercising her huge imagination. She
truly lights up our home, and keeps everyone on their toes.
We were also blessed with a son on
Oct. 19, 2016. The moment they placed Colt into my arms I felt a peace wash
over me like nothing I had ever felt before. He was my perfect little angel,
and I knew he was an extremely special little boy. He spent 6½ blissful months
with us here on earth before unexpectedly passing away on May 7, 2017. Although
we were only able to hold him for a small time, we know that he is still a huge
part of our family, and fervently working to help us get back home to him and
our Heavenly Father.
Losing Colt is the biggest trial our
family has had to face, up to this point. It was something I never thought
would happen to me… it was something I hoped I would never have to endure. We
joined the group that nobody wants to be in, but one that is filled with some
of the very best people… a group defined by parents who have outlived their
children (or grandchildren).
One story, that I absolutely love,
perfectly illustrates the curve balls life throws at us. The author, Emily Perl
Kingsley, wrote it to describe what it was like to raise a child with special
needs, but I think you can apply it to many different trials:
Welcome to Holland
… It's
like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books
and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The
gondolas in Venice. You may even learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all
very exciting.
After
months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and
off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and
says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?"
you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed
to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But
there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there
you must stay.
The
important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting,
filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different
place.
So
you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new
language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have
met.
It's
just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy.
But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look
around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland
has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But
everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging
about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you
will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had
planned."
And
the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that
dream is a very very significant loss.
But...
if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may
never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about
Holland.
 |
| pic cred: https://www.bucketlist127.com/goal/see-the-tulip-flower-fields-in-netherlands |
Although the trial of losing my son was one that I never wanted to claim as mine, I have learned to own it, make peace with it, and still live a joyous life. However, I don’t know if that would have been possible for me if I hadn’t had a strong testimony of eternal families, good family and friends helping me through, and most of all a positive attitude.
So many people are surprised to hear
that my husband and I lost a son less than 3 months ago. “But you’re so happy!”
they will say to us… I’m not going to sugar coat it… we have each had our
moments of unimaginable pain, extreme grief, and times we’ve cried out ‘why
me?’ However, at the end of each day, we go to bed knowing that tomorrow we
will wake up and keep trying. While it would be easy to dwell on the negative
aspects of losing our precious little boy, we can’t help but notice all the
amazing blessings in our lives before and after his death.
One of my greatest examples of
enduring faithfully to the end comes from my great great great great
grandmother, Susannah Stone Lloyd. She joined the church when she was 17 years
old against her family’s wishes. She journeyed from England to Utah 8 years
later, all by herself, at the age of 25. She joined the Willie Handcart
Company, and went through some of the worst trials imaginable to people of our
day.
Although her company (which is the
one featured in the film 17 Miracles) faced many hard trials, my
grandmother endured it faithfully. In her autobiography she writes, “we
murmured not for our faith in God and our testimony of His work were supreme.”
She remembers singing hymns to encourage themselves along the way, and recounts
how ‘the Lord gave us strength and courage’.
She writes, “Only once did my
courage fail. One cold dreary afternoon, my feet having been frosted, I felt I
could go no farther and withdrew from the little company and sat down to wait
the end. Being somewhat in a stupor. After a time I was aroused by a voice,
which seemed as audible as anything could be and which spoke to my very soul of
the promises and blessings I had received, and which should surely be
fulfilled, and that I had a mission to perform in Zion. I received strength and
was filled with the spirit of the Lord and arose and traveled on with a light
heart. As I reached camp I found a searching party ready to go back to find me
dead or alive. I had no relatives but many dear and devoted friends and we did
all we could to aid and encourage each other. My frosted feet gave me
considerable trouble for many years, but this was forgotten in the
contemplation of the many blessings the Gospel has brought to me and mine.”
My Grandmother went on to make it to
the Salt Lake Valley, where she married a man of faith, and became the mother
of 14 children who were all faithful members of the church. Her greatest joy
was seeing her children remain faithful to the faith for which she had
sacrificed so much. While she still faced many hardships and trials throughout her life, including losing two of her own infant sons, she wrote, “we have
never murmured or felt to regret the sacrifice we made. I am thankful that I
was counted worthy to be a pioneer and a hand cart girl. It prepared me to
stand hard times when I got here.”
When I read about my ancestors, and
the many trials they endured with unwavering faith, it is easy for me to feel
blessed, have courage, and endure this life. My grandmother not only endured
her trials, but was thankful for them. She had such a strong testimony of God’s
plan and the promise of eternal life. I am so grateful for her example.
I have a very dear friend who is
another amazing example of enduring trials with faith. She has shared her story
with many different people and groups because of how much her positive attitude
and unwavering faith in the gospel make her countenance shine. I am only going
to share a small piece of her with you today.
Amy’s husband, Michael, was killed
in active duty on Feb. 23, 2009… he had just turned 31 years old. He not only
left behind Amy, but two young sons and countless other family members and
friends. Their lives changed on Thanksgiving of 2007 when Michael asked Amy
what she thought about him joining the military (out of the blue). Amy couldn’t
help but think that he could lose his life if they chose this path. The next
Sunday, she was pondering Michael’s question, and asked Heavenly Father, “What
if he doesn’t come home?” Without correcting her, but filling her with peace,
he answered, “Everything is going to be ok because I have given you My Son.”
Michael did lose his life, just 15
months after she had this experience. However, because of the sacrifice of our
Savior, she will be with her Michael again… I will get to hold my Colt again... and when these reunions occur, there is nothing that will ever separate us
again!
Some may have never been through the
trial of losing a loved one, especially a loved one lost much too soon; or the
trial of traveling over a thousand miles pulling a handcart; but I know each of
us has faced hard trials and challenges. The purpose of this life is to be tested.
Each of us goes through trials that are unique and important to us
individually. The things we face are what can help mold us into the person
Heavenly Father sees… the person we are destined to become.
One
of my favorite scriptures is in D&C
121:7-8, which says, “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and
thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it
well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes”.
I have watched Amy endure this world
without Michael physically by her side for 8½ years. I know it hasn’t been easy;
but she stays positive and keeps the bigger picture as her focus. She doesn’t
let any trivial or worldly thing keep her from her goal of being with Michael
for eternity. Even though her trial seems somewhat unfair, she stays faithful
to the church that our ancestors fought for, sacrificed for, and believed in.
In his April 2016 General Conference
talk, Elder Dale G. Renlund said, “If life were truly fair, you and I would
never be resurrected; you and I would never be able to stand clean before God.
In this respect, I am grateful that life is not fair. … Through God’s
compassion, kindness, and love, we will all receive more than we deserve, more
than we can ever earn, and more than we can ever hope for.”
Heavenly Father gave us His Son, to
make everything ok. It will all be worth it when we cross the veil, are greeted
by our Savior, and are told, “well done.” Every trial we face… every heart ache
we feel… It will all be made up to us 1,000 times if we endure this life well.
I know that losing Colt has helped
turn my focus onto returning to my Savior, and helping others return to him as
well. I feel like I can face any challenge or trial placed in front of me with
the knowledge I have of the plan of salvation. All the little things that used
to matter to me so much just aren’t quite as important anymore. My trial has
changed me, it has molded me into a better person, and I am sure I still have
much to learn from it in the years to come. But I know that with the help of my
Savior, I can endure this life well, and I can have my family feel whole and
complete again. In the end, we will ALL not only have Italy, but a place better
than anyone could ever possibly imagine, that makes everything we have endured
here, worth it.
