Impatience is the suggestion that “we know what is best – better than does God”. In contrast, “Patience … helps us turn trials and tribulations … into joy and growth. [It] is a willingness … to watch the unfolding purposes of God with a sense of wonder and awe.”
Colt was born 4 years ago. When he died, 6½ months later, I not only
‘lost’ him, but also my future… (at least what I had imagined of it). I
found myself without purpose as the path I was on suddenly ended. I had to make
a new plan, which was not only an inconvenience, but heartbreaking. I wanted to
raise him… how could that be taken from me? What am I supposed to
do with my life now? How could this plan be better than what I envisioned?
When the blessings you were ‘supposed’ to have during your earthly
life get postponed, patience takes on a whole new meaning… Suddenly,
you’re not waiting for a certain date in time, but rather for when you’re out
of time. It can be difficult to find new purpose where your reason once stood. It
is challenging to patiently wait for blessings that do not come when sought.
A first
reaction to adversity is usually shock, especially when we are already striving
to live in accordance with God’s commandments. While we may not understand the
reason for every (or any) trial, we are asked to endure it with patience, even
those that seem impossible to bear at all.
The recent pandemic has thrown most people out of their regular
routines and habits. It has been an inconvenience for us all… some more than
others. It is difficult to patiently wait for things to (hopefully) get better…
and will be even more challenging to be tolerant if things continue to get
worse…
While I am unable to feel ‘grateful’ for the ordeal that caused me
to spend less time with my friends and family, financial hardships, and the
death of many… I am appreciative of how much I have learned as I have blocked
out the opinions of the world and allowed myself to be led by my faithful leaders,
as well as gaining a sturdier focus on what’s important.
No matter what happens, I know that through Christ the blessings
are and will come, no matter how long it takes… and I am always thankful for
what I learn along the journey. Having patience is hard, but a recent promise
from Elder Matthew S. Holland gives me great comfort:
“Regardless of the causes of our worst hurts and heartaches, the
ultimate source of relief is the same: Jesus Christ. He alone holds the full
power and healing balm to correct every mistake, right every wrong, adjust
every imperfection, mend every wound, and deliver every delayed blessing.”
I know this is true. I have physically felt the hands of angels
bearing me up as I’ve gone through unimaginable trials; the placement of their
hands imprinted on my back. Christ is there, ready and willing to help. Things
may not happen in the way we would like, but through Christ we will receive
more blessings than we can imagine.
Waiting for my family to all be together again is my greatest test
of patience. I pray for strength every morning to make it through without Colt.
I never stop missing him, nor wishing he were here. Whenever impatient thoughts
start creeping back into my life (as they often do), making me bitter and
miserable, I do my best to counter them by looking for the blessings, which are
ALWAYS there and testify of God’s love for me. As I submit to His will and try
to bear my afflictions with patience, I can feel joy amid the struggle and awe
as His plan for me unfolds a little more. I know I will hurt (to some extent)
until heaven, but then, I believe I will say, “It was ALL worth it.”
“Some
blessings come soon, some come late, and some don’t come until heaven… but…
they come.”
-
Elder Jeffrey R. Holland
