Sunday, July 30, 2017

Enduring Faithfully to The End

I gave a talk today in sacrament meeting (its a little long), and promised some of my friends from out of town that I would blog it. Sorry for the introduction if you already know us, but it leads right into my talk! Enjoy!!

Enduring Faithfully to The End

Richard and I met in Cache Valley on Dec. 23, 2010, and were married 6 months later on June 23, 2011. We enjoy doing anything active, especially if it involves the outdoors. Both of us received our bachelor’s from Utah State, and Richard went on to get his Doctorate of Physical Therapy this past May from Missouri State University.




One of our greatest blessings arrived on Sep. 14, 2012 when our daughter, Graci, came into our lives. She is now 4 years old, very spunky, extremely imaginative, and has an incredibly big heart. She loves to help with all of our house projects, join us on our outdoor adventures, and spend the rest of her time exercising her huge imagination. She truly lights up our home, and keeps everyone on their toes.


We were also blessed with a son on Oct. 19, 2016. The moment they placed Colt into my arms I felt a peace wash over me like nothing I had ever felt before. He was my perfect little angel, and I knew he was an extremely special little boy. He spent 6½ blissful months with us here on earth before unexpectedly passing away on May 7, 2017. Although we were only able to hold him for a small time, we know that he is still a huge part of our family, and fervently working to help us get back home to him and our Heavenly Father.


Losing Colt is the biggest trial our family has had to face, up to this point. It was something I never thought would happen to me… it was something I hoped I would never have to endure. We joined the group that nobody wants to be in, but one that is filled with some of the very best people… a group defined by parents who have outlived their children (or grandchildren).

One story, that I absolutely love, perfectly illustrates the curve balls life throws at us. The author, Emily Perl Kingsley, wrote it to describe what it was like to raise a child with special needs, but I think you can apply it to many different trials:
Welcome to Holland
… It's like planning a fabulous vacation trip - to Italy. You buy a bunch of guide books and make your wonderful plans. The Coliseum. The Michelangelo David. The gondolas in Venice. You may even learn some handy phrases in Italian. It's all very exciting.
After months of eager anticipation, the day finally arrives. You pack your bags and off you go. Several hours later, the plane lands. The stewardess comes in and says, "Welcome to Holland."
"Holland?!?" you say. "What do you mean Holland?? I signed up for Italy! I'm supposed to be in Italy. All my life I've dreamed of going to Italy."
But there's been a change in the flight plan. They've landed in Holland and there you must stay.
The important thing is that they haven't taken you to a horrible, disgusting, filthy place, full of pestilence, famine and disease. It's just a different place.
So you must go out and buy new guide books. And you must learn a whole new language. And you will meet a whole new group of people you would never have met.
It's just a different place. It's slower-paced than Italy, less flashy than Italy. But after you've been there for a while and you catch your breath, you look around.... and you begin to notice that Holland has windmills....and Holland has tulips. Holland even has Rembrandts.
But everyone you know is busy coming and going from Italy... and they're all bragging about what a wonderful time they had there. And for the rest of your life, you will say "Yes, that's where I was supposed to go. That's what I had planned."
And the pain of that will never, ever, ever go away... because the loss of that dream is a very very significant loss.
But... if you spend your life mourning the fact that you didn't get to Italy, you may never be free to enjoy the very special, the very lovely things ... about Holland.

 pic cred: https://www.bucketlist127.com/goal/see-the-tulip-flower-fields-in-netherlands

Although the trial of losing my son was one that I never wanted to claim as mine, I have learned to own it, make peace with it, and still live a joyous life. However, I don’t know if that would have been possible for me if I hadn’t had a strong testimony of eternal families, good family and friends helping me through, and most of all a positive attitude.

So many people are surprised to hear that my husband and I lost a son less than 3 months ago. “But you’re so happy!” they will say to us… I’m not going to sugar coat it… we have each had our moments of unimaginable pain, extreme grief, and times we’ve cried out ‘why me?’ However, at the end of each day, we go to bed knowing that tomorrow we will wake up and keep trying. While it would be easy to dwell on the negative aspects of losing our precious little boy, we can’t help but notice all the amazing blessings in our lives before and after his death.

One of my greatest examples of enduring faithfully to the end comes from my great great great great grandmother, Susannah Stone Lloyd. She joined the church when she was 17 years old against her family’s wishes. She journeyed from England to Utah 8 years later, all by herself, at the age of 25. She joined the Willie Handcart Company, and went through some of the worst trials imaginable to people of our day.


Although her company (which is the one featured in the film 17 Miracles) faced many hard trials, my grandmother endured it faithfully. In her autobiography she writes, “we murmured not for our faith in God and our testimony of His work were supreme.” She remembers singing hymns to encourage themselves along the way, and recounts how ‘the Lord gave us strength and courage’.

She writes, “Only once did my courage fail. One cold dreary afternoon, my feet having been frosted, I felt I could go no farther and withdrew from the little company and sat down to wait the end. Being somewhat in a stupor. After a time I was aroused by a voice, which seemed as audible as anything could be and which spoke to my very soul of the promises and blessings I had received, and which should surely be fulfilled, and that I had a mission to perform in Zion. I received strength and was filled with the spirit of the Lord and arose and traveled on with a light heart. As I reached camp I found a searching party ready to go back to find me dead or alive. I had no relatives but many dear and devoted friends and we did all we could to aid and encourage each other. My frosted feet gave me considerable trouble for many years, but this was forgotten in the contemplation of the many blessings the Gospel has brought to me and mine.”

My Grandmother went on to make it to the Salt Lake Valley, where she married a man of faith, and became the mother of 14 children who were all faithful members of the church. Her greatest joy was seeing her children remain faithful to the faith for which she had sacrificed so much. While she still faced many hardships and trials throughout her life, including losing two of her own infant sons, she wrote, “we have never murmured or felt to regret the sacrifice we made. I am thankful that I was counted worthy to be a pioneer and a hand cart girl. It prepared me to stand hard times when I got here.”

When I read about my ancestors, and the many trials they endured with unwavering faith, it is easy for me to feel blessed, have courage, and endure this life. My grandmother not only endured her trials, but was thankful for them. She had such a strong testimony of God’s plan and the promise of eternal life. I am so grateful for her example.

I have a very dear friend who is another amazing example of enduring trials with faith. She has shared her story with many different people and groups because of how much her positive attitude and unwavering faith in the gospel make her countenance shine. I am only going to share a small piece of her with you today.


Amy’s husband, Michael, was killed in active duty on Feb. 23, 2009… he had just turned 31 years old. He not only left behind Amy, but two young sons and countless other family members and friends. Their lives changed on Thanksgiving of 2007 when Michael asked Amy what she thought about him joining the military (out of the blue). Amy couldn’t help but think that he could lose his life if they chose this path. The next Sunday, she was pondering Michael’s question, and asked Heavenly Father, “What if he doesn’t come home?” Without correcting her, but filling her with peace, he answered, “Everything is going to be ok because I have given you My Son.”


Michael did lose his life, just 15 months after she had this experience. However, because of the sacrifice of our Savior, she will be with her Michael again… I will get to hold my Colt again... and when these reunions occur, there is nothing that will ever separate us again!

Some may have never been through the trial of losing a loved one, especially a loved one lost much too soon; or the trial of traveling over a thousand miles pulling a handcart; but I know each of us has faced hard trials and challenges. The purpose of this life is to be tested. Each of us goes through trials that are unique and important to us individually. The things we face are what can help mold us into the person Heavenly Father sees… the person we are destined to become.

One of my favorite scriptures is in D&C 121:7-8, which says, “My son, peace be unto thy soul; thine adversity and thine afflictions shall be but a small moment; And then, if thou endure it well, God shall exalt thee on high; thou shalt triumph over all thy foes”.

I have watched Amy endure this world without Michael physically by her side for 8½ years. I know it hasn’t been easy; but she stays positive and keeps the bigger picture as her focus. She doesn’t let any trivial or worldly thing keep her from her goal of being with Michael for eternity. Even though her trial seems somewhat unfair, she stays faithful to the church that our ancestors fought for, sacrificed for, and believed in.

In his April 2016 General Conference talk, Elder Dale G. Renlund said, “If life were truly fair, you and I would never be resurrected; you and I would never be able to stand clean before God. In this respect, I am grateful that life is not fair. … Through God’s compassion, kindness, and love, we will all receive more than we deserve, more than we can ever earn, and more than we can ever hope for.”


Heavenly Father gave us His Son, to make everything ok. It will all be worth it when we cross the veil, are greeted by our Savior, and are told, “well done.” Every trial we face… every heart ache we feel… It will all be made up to us 1,000 times if we endure this life well.

I know that losing Colt has helped turn my focus onto returning to my Savior, and helping others return to him as well. I feel like I can face any challenge or trial placed in front of me with the knowledge I have of the plan of salvation. All the little things that used to matter to me so much just aren’t quite as important anymore. My trial has changed me, it has molded me into a better person, and I am sure I still have much to learn from it in the years to come. But I know that with the help of my Savior, I can endure this life well, and I can have my family feel whole and complete again. In the end, we will ALL not only have Italy, but a place better than anyone could ever possibly imagine, that makes everything we have endured here, worth it.



No comments:

Post a Comment